Obituary

You are not here or anywhere,
Not a call away,
Not in any better place or worse than what it was.
You didn't perish in the soil,
You didn't turn into ashes,
You didn't carve a stone in your name and claim a piece of land.

The glass you didn't empty still bears the mark of your last sip,
The ashtray carries burn from the cigarettes you forgot to smoke,
The books you wrote and read stacked in the shelves,
Your photographs, handwritings, edits and editorials archived and dusted everyday.
Your words are recited in gatherings in fond memories of colleagues relieved no one would fuss about their mistakes,
Your doctors no longer worry about not giving hopes
Or frustrated that you'd never quit smoking and you just won't listen.
You were never afraid, never to be tamed or disciplined in any way.
You are no longer a child, a lover, a friend or a father.

I sip a drink before bedtime,
Rewind our discussions about date of births as births of deaths and
Everything that I learned with you,
Unfolding the pains of life you tried so hard to hide from me and failed,
I trained myself to carry on with my 9-5 life in the mean time,
as a mother, a wife, a lover and a friend as well.
The myth and mystery of death invade my days and nights again and again,
I escape in highs in my four walls and in tunnels of memories I make.
It would have been so much better
If we could chat away another evening like old times,
Wishing I didn't hang up so soon.
We've had this discussion- how it all ends,
As if to prepare ourselves all this time for this day
And despite all that and all the years that passed or will pass it hurts no less.