Desperation

If you won’t love me awake and alive

I’ll lie down next to your sleeping corpse

And hug you to feel loved,

As every light dims in the dark.

I will imagine you to be the one

That used to make me laugh,

Get me high, make me come

On and on the whole night.

I’ll run my fingers on your skin

On your soft furry body hair,

Your rough long ponytail.

I’ll hear your breath

Count your turns and toss

And wait until you accidentally

Turn back to give me a hug back

Take my arms around you to keep you warm

And surrender with all your guards down,

Your wounds open wide

Allowing me to heal to let you feel

How deep, invisible, divisive our cuts have become

And I’ll whisper in your ears

Summon the demons to put yours to rest,

To wake up to another day

Not remembering any of this

To start again, again and again.